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Shingetsu - ElectricEidolon - 02-01-2012 09:36 AM

Here you go Zack! A thread to organize your series!


RE: Shingetsu - Shingetsu - 02-05-2012 05:35 AM

Thank you
So i want your guys (Hacs+ members and all) ideas and thoughts on this

Overview,
I'm sure you guys have heard the name Zstar said between me and Nicole its a character that ive had an idea for a story since like the first grade its about 2 brothers Zstar (my creation) and Reinzi (Nicole's). At a young age 8 or 9 Zstar a young wolf pup (..... going to change that name) gets a power to change between wolf and human. His mother always told him stories of these types of wolf/human shape changers but never seen one until one day he is out roaming the forest when he hears gun shots off in the distance he goes to investigate. once he gets to the site of the fight he finds two humans fighting one a hunter the other a human female dressed in white. He soon finds out that the female in white is his mother (who is considered the guardian of the forest) when she jumps on the hunter killing him but at the same time the gun goes off , he runs to her and she changes back to wolf form where she soon dies but leaves him a parting gift, the gift to change from wolf to human and back, also a big scar in the shape of a Star (only Visible when in wolf form) that runs across his left eye. His brother Reinzi also gets a gift but not from his mother but the hunter that killed her, thus making him evil or tainted, and corrupted. Reinzi had always hated his brother since he was born. Because Z was more of the runt there mother paid a little more attention to Z and not him . She always told Z that he would do great things, that he would bring humans and animals together in a time of need for both side will have there grave dangers. She would talk as if she knew before it happened. Which is why he was acceptable to the corruption from the hunter . Reinzi also gets the power to change back and forth from wolf to human but gains the hatefulness toward his own kind and his brother (which plays a big role).


Theres more to come so I would love input. also i need ideas for names


RE: Shingetsu - Shingetsu - 02-06-2012 12:47 PM

First episode idea still very rough, I'm hoping that my sister still wants to animate this, I asked her to and i have a lot of ideas for a small series.

But the story starts with a futuristic city at war, fires dancing on demolished houses that were once a beautiful sight now reduced to dust and ash from the fierce fighting between its caretakers. Tracer rounds and explosions scar the skies. In the middle of this fight is a small well fortified warehouse type building that is guarded by two heavy type soldiers with high tech armor that takes a lot to just make a dent. they are sitting there not making a noise when a blue light streaks across the screen and strikes one of the soldiers in the neck sending him limp to the ground. The other takes notice but cant tell where the shot came from, he takes a dash for the alarm but is quickly cut down with another well placed shot by an unseen foe. silence fills the area. Another soldier soon enters the clearing carrying the weapon the struck down his much bigger and well armored foes. He checks his foes and with a grin of pleasure turns and waves a all good sign to his friendly squad members,who soon crawl out of hiding and join the sharpshooter in the clearing before the bodies. soon they are joined by a smaller teenager who looks like hes not meant to be there. but its soon known that hes higher and feared by the others who tense up as he joins them. In a soft almost sad voice he tells them to clean up the bodies and take the amour but ditch the bodies so that any passing squads see them and alert the enemies of there presences. he then orders them to gear up and get ready for a fight . "We're taking this warehouse". he then walks away to take a quick look around while his men get ready. A younger man turns to the other 3 in his squad and ask them if they knew anything of their leader's past. Only one speaks up and says that he's heard talk of the leader being the head of the resistance or one who started it all, also known as public enemy number one. They're all shocked that a 19 year old is the head of it all. That cant be the sharpshooter replies "no way"
" I haven't even seen him lift a gun to fight in fact I've never seen him fight" the others tense up as their leader stands behind the sharpshooter and answer his reply with "well you're one of the lucky few that will, now finish getting ready we move on my mark." The sharpshooter turns to the kid and scuffles to get his stuff armed. The others laugh and stand in formation waiting for the mark, the teen at the back. "3 ..........2.........1....... mark". The doors are forced open with a swift kick from the leading soldier reveiling multiple squads of enemies spread about in the warehouse. They soon realize what is happening after the small elite squad of 4 start picking off enemies and advancing farther in and retaliate. The squad is soon met by heavy fire and is forced to find cover. All but one, the leader, the teen who soon is the target of the return fire with his back turned towards his team he doges to the side the bullets missing their target and landing in the floor where he once was. His team is in shock no one can move out of the way of a bullet let alone a whole wall of bullets. Their leader, now below the enemy squad, leaps and grabs onto the railing and launches himself up over the squad drawing the fire, which allows his team to get back in the fight . They come out of cover, guns hot, wiping out the last stragglers and taking control of the warehouse. Their leader praises his team on a job well done and barks an order for them to set up defenses guarding the side exit and the main entrance. "John I want you on the roof with your sniper" "warn us if any one is approaching. The rest of you with me, lets see what Mr.President has left us." They scout the warehouse finding some heavy weaponry that they use to fortify the entrance and the side door. Time passes showing the work they have done and the team is now settled in the teen, however, is not present, nor the sniper which the screen flashes to him on the roof where is starts to rain. "Grrrrrreeeat" he mutters in to the headset. "Hehe how's the weather up there John?" the heaviest one on the squad asks. "Shut it man" John snaps back. "Did I upset the kid or something?" "Man never mind that did you see the kid move? He's faster than you, John, and you're the fastest guy in the resistance." "Yeah, that was almost inhuman" " "Does the kid even have a name?" By this time their leader has returned to his team in the warehouse. He began to search for something. He searched along the walls, underneath desks, and soon he became aggravated and began to toss things out of his way. His team still trying to figure out who this teen was and his past didn't pay much atention untill he flipped the table revealing a hole in th ground. "Ahhhhhhhhhhh good play brother," he thought . As he pointed at two his men and signed to follow him.


RE: Shingetsu - Leminnes - 02-07-2012 01:11 PM

I'll give this a read soon. But first I need to sleep and do homework. @_@


RE: Shingetsu - Shingetsu - 02-08-2012 04:37 AM

(02-07-2012 01:11 PM)Leminnes Wrote:  I'll give this a read soon. But first I need to sleep and do homework. @_@

Thanks!
(02-08-2012 04:37 AM)Shingetsu2524 Wrote:  
(02-07-2012 01:11 PM)Leminnes Wrote:  I'll give this a read soon. But first I need to sleep and do homework. @_@

Thanks!

Also I'm sorry that there is a alot of time breaks. I don't have time to just sit down and do it all a once.


RE: Shingetsu - ElectricEidolon - 02-11-2012 05:17 AM

Great job so far, Zack! I really wish you would have started writing waaaay back when I told you to, haha. However, you can really make up lost time and get very good if you just keep on.

Also, you definitely have creativity! Glad to know you have that imaginative blood in you too! My only suggestion is to sit down and really figure out each character and their personalities. That will make it far easier for you to write them AND you'll stay consistent. Avoid making Z Blevins a character without flaws or one that is infallible.

Most importantly, KEEP GOING.

And yes, one day I will try my best to animate this!


RE: Shingetsu - Leminnes - 02-11-2012 12:06 PM

Alright, I read it so far. It is quite good so far, and it's got me caught up on what's going to happen next, I'm just wondering some things. Are you writing this as like a script/screenplay type thing so it can be animated later, or is this meant to be a book-like story? I ask because a good majority of it is written much how someone writes a script for a comic book. That is, telling the reader what it looks like, instead of showing them. To give in example:

Quote:the story starts with a futuristic city at war, fires dancing on demolished houses that were once a beautiful sight now reduced to dust and ash from the fierce fighting between its caretakers.

This is telling. You're telling me, as the reader, what it looks like. Showing would be telling the story and, along the way, giving me an idea what the city looks like. It's kind of hard to give an example of showing, because it's something that happens more organically as you're telling the story. You basically let the reader know what things are like through character interactions or by inference. Like, you don't say someone's in a bad mood, you let the reader know he's in a bad mood by his choice of words and body language. That sort of thing.

However, if this is a script-type thing, all these things don't matter! When writing a script, you tell, as movie directors or comic book artists don't like guessing. They just want to be told.

Also, be careful with your their, there, and they're's as well as your and you're. I went through and fixed the ones I saw and also did a bit little bit more minor editing.

It really is looking good though, Zack. I hope you take it farther and that we can someday make something with it. Smile


RE: Shingetsu - Shingetsu - 02-12-2012 05:10 AM

(02-11-2012 12:06 PM)Leminnes Wrote:  Alright, I read it so far. It is quite good so far, and it's got me caught up on what's going to happen next, I'm just wondering some things. Are you writing this as like a script/screenplay type thing so it can be animated later, or is this meant to be a book-like story? I ask because a good majority of it is written much how someone writes a script for a comic book. That is, telling the reader what it looks like, instead of showing them. To give in example:

Quote:the story starts with a futuristic city at war, fires dancing on demolished houses that were once a beautiful sight now reduced to dust and ash from the fierce fighting between its caretakers.

This is telling. You're telling me, as the reader, what it looks like. Showing would be telling the story and, along the way, giving me an idea what the city looks like. It's kind of hard to give an example of showing, because it's something that happens more organically as you're telling the story. You basically let the reader know what things are like through character interactions or by inference. Like, you don't say someone's in a bad mood, you let the reader know he's in a bad mood by his choice of words and body language. That sort of thing.

However, if this is a script-type thing, all these things don't matter! When writing a script, you tell, as movie directors or comic book artists don't like guessing. They just want to be told.

Also, be careful with your their, there, and they're's as well as your and you're. I went through and fixed the ones I saw and also did a bit little bit more minor editing.

It really is looking good though, Zack. I hope you take it farther and that we can someday make something with it. Smile

its more of a script so my sister and i can sooner or later make it a little animated show I guess, and im putting it on here for some ideas and i may need some of your guys help at a point


RE: Shingetsu - ElectricEidolon - 02-15-2012 11:00 PM

I'll definitely spearhead it with you Zack, as I've said for years, so no surprise there! Just KEEP WRITING AND MOVING FORWARD AND THINKING OF IDEAS.


RE: Shingetsu - Shingetsu - 02-16-2012 06:22 AM

(02-15-2012 11:00 PM)ElectricPhantom Wrote:  I'll definitely spearhead it with you Zack, as I've said for years, so no surprise there! Just KEEP WRITING AND MOVING FORWARD AND THINKING OF IDEAS.

im working i have 4 and a half pages ready to be typed